Dear Mr. Diary… What was I thinking?

I just want to forget this day… and last night too.
I just couldn’t even write to you.

Yes, I called him and he was so stupid to me. He said that he can talk to me the way he wants. He called me stupid and that’s when I lost it:
“Ok Jason, now it’s my turn. We used to be that kind of friends that text each other at the end of the day wishing we were together reviewing all the work and talking about all the stuff we could do for your company. We used to make plans, we even went to the cinema a couple a times and then you kissed me. You are with a girl and you kissed me! And then got all… I don’t know what to call you, because for me you’re not Jason, you’re a different person. I’m tired, I like your company I really do and your dad is amazing but if you keep this attitude towards me, I’ll just go away, for real!”

There was this silence and the Jason my Jason was back!

“Emily, I am so sorry for the way I treated you tonight, today at the office… I need you!”
“No you don’t Jason, if you did, you would talk to me like we used to, and first of all you would treat me like a friend and not unfriend me like you did..”

“Emily, this is not the best time to tell you this, but maybe you could understand… I’m in love with you…”
“Jason, you’re not!”
“Emily I missed you a lot when I was gone. And Harper, she’s so… I need a girl like you, a person that can keep me grounded you know? I’ve become a hater, I drink too much now and I’m always at parties and stuff I didn’t do…”
“Jason, please, I just want us to be friends like we used to…” (WHY??? Why didn’t I tell him that I want to be with him! That I like him a lot, that I want to try….)

“I know that’s why I am so frustrated about it. When you left after I kissed you… I felt so bad… It stirred me harder, I just, I’m sorry EM…”
“Ok Jason, I’m sorry too, but can we be friends? You can talk to me, we can go out for coffee or something, and please don’t yell at me… I can’t handle that kind of stuff at work, ok?”
“You’re an amazing girl, Emily, thank you so much!”

So, today work was fine, Jason didn’t show up to work, I had a nice day, nobody yelled at me and I missed Jason…

I’m going out tonight with the girls, I need to talk to someone and what was I thinking? I should have told him about my feelings, right?

Emily May


2 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Diary… What was I thinking?

Add yours

  1. It’s a coincidence that my ex is also named Jason (we broke up with 1 month ago and I still miss him from time to time.) Nice post 🙂 Followed.

    Liked by 1 person

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